Girl! I KNOW... you’ve heard it too—the backward affirmation hidden in that quiet (or not-so-quiet) expectation to “always figure it out.” It’s exhausting.

Like... does anyone else have a brain? Oh, no? Just me? Got it. Exhausting. Somewhere along the way, being a high-achiever morphed into over-functioning and ALL THE PRESSURES OF GOING AT IT. ALONE.

Hyper-Independence: The Scam We All Bought Into

 Who handed us the manual that said, “Congratulations! You’re now the CEO of Figuring It Out, Inc.”? Sis, we were sold a story (I had to say this when I was little… otherwise, I got in trouble for saying LYING 👀.).

AND I DEMAND A REFUND, NOW!

The “You’ll figure it out; you always do” line might’ve felt like a compliment when we were younger, but —now we know it’s just code for, “I’m not going to help you,” or, “You’re on your own.”

And there we are, duct-taping solutions together while people cheer us on like it’s the Olympics.

Bills? Alone. Emotions? Alone. Fixing the car? Alone. Solving the world’s problems... ev’ryday. ALONE. We be out here balancing life’s chaos like Cirque du Soleil performers with no safety net. We' TIEEEDDD. Hyper-independence is NO LONGER THE MOVE.

Let’s call it what it is: ISOLATION. Carrying everyone else’s expectations while also trying to hold ourselves up? It’s giving overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated. GIRL, HYPER-INDEPENDENCE IS NOT OUR MINISTRY.

 If Hyper-Independence Isn’t the Move, Then What’s the Play?

I hear you! And the answer? It’s complicated and simple all at the same time. You’ve got to untie your worth from your work ethic, take your energy back, and show up for yourself in ways others haven’t. And maybe not even in that order.

When you stop defining yourself by how much you can handle and start giving yourself permission to just be....It’s a whole narrative rewrite.

And yes, I absolutely LOVE Toni Jones. Girl, you need to put her on repeat—like, daily affirmations on autopilot. Trust me, it’s a vibe. 🎶✨

Show Up for Yourself in Ways Others Haven’t

Ok, ok... I hear you loud and clear. “I’m doing for myself because other people don’t do for me.” And, I get it—but let’s unpack that real quick.

This means being kind to yourself. Show yourself that you trust you—not just your performance. You are human, sis. If you don’t know something, guess what? You don’t have to MASTER it. You don’t have to “stay ready to be ready.” You just have to be PRESENT. That’s it. That’s the magic. ✨

And Yes, other people do have a responsibility to show up and be accountable for being there for you. Honestly, I don’t know what their problem is—but let’s be clear, they do have a problem. And sometimes, WE can’t figure THEM out.

BUT... having a present mind allows us to be well, to truly understand what’s happening around us, and to adjust and address what we need in the moment—not fifteen steps ahead. Constantly overthinking deep into the future? That’s been the thief of your JOY this whole time ✨

Full-Circle Moment

So, let’s go back to that whole “CEO of Figuring It Out, Inc.” thing… You’re fired. Effective immediately.

From now on, you’re embracing presence and letting go of the hustle to handle everything.  The world will still turn, if you dont do it... and guess what? You’ll finally get to breathe. ✨

But here’s the kicker: you have to learn what APPROPRIATE, HEALTHY, and STABLE SUPPORT actually looks like—and then lean into it (because let’s be real, we can’t keep expecting the same no-brain folks to suddenly grow one and magically know how to help).

#CAPEOFFLIVEON

Sharell D. Cannady, CEO of Docked Ships

PLEASE. PLEASE. SHARE THIS WITH OTHER BLACK WOMEN. AND HAVE THEM SUBSCRIBE:  https://www.dockedships.com/stress-crisis-african-american-women-health

Wanna' revisit a blog/newsletter that had you like, “Wait a minute?”—No worries. Check em' out [click here].

At Dock Ships, we see "a future where African American women achieve social health & enjoy maximum wellness." 

✨ The Community You’ve Been Craving ✨

Y’all!! You’ve definitely been missing out on something special with this Selfish Challenge for Black Girls. It’s only day 3, and I’ve already doodled, soaked in the jacuzzi, and treated myself to some new hiking boots. This community has been so encouraging and ah-mazing-ly creative. It’s truly a something special! It gives me something to look forward to each day... almost like opening an advent calendar. 🎁✨

And because I’m feeling SUPER generous, I decided to keep the link (click here) open for you. Also, if you want to jump in on these remaining 9 days, but dont have the funds... just email me at [email protected] 💜.

The Selfish Challenge for Black Girls has really got me reflecting on the importance of community. And my mind kept circling back to this thought: High-achieving, overfunctioning Black women truly need a VIABLE, APPROPRIATE, HEALTHY, and STABLE SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY. Stay tuned....something's brewing.

AND BEFORE Y’ALL ASK... NO, I AM NOT QUITTING THERAPY! I’m still here, still a therapist, and still working with my therapy clients. I’m just continuing to scale up Docked Ships to figure out how to address the social health and wellness needs of Black women in ways that complement therapeutic services. Because let’s be honest—outside the therapy space? It’s still tough out here. 💜✨