Hey Y’all, Hey!

Let’s get into it! This is part 2 of BAY-BEE!! Black Men Need to Come with Advisory Labels Included! If you haven’t read part 1 yet, go back and catch up, sis!

But let me hit you with the disclaimer again—I LOVE BLACK LOVE... I AM NOT AGAINST IT. 

I JUST KNOW... We don’t really know health in relationships. As Black women, we think we know, but we don’t. And we keep expecting our love to save Black men—but it can’t. It just won’t.

For example, I know we always say we need to, “communicate, communicate.”

It’s not as simple as “Just communicate.” You can’t one-up the speaker, shut them down, get defensive, or completely shut down yourself.

And let’s be real—comprehension isn’t always present.

Girl... but let’s be honest, sometimes these men (and some women too) be stuck.  I’m talking frozen! Like, you’re over here trying to have a conversation, and they’ve shut down like you’re speaking in a language they’ve never heard before. 

Sometimes, the listener just doesn’t have the ability to stay open to what the speaker is saying—especially when it’s about them.

Here’s the thing: communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about hearing and understanding. And there are so many components to that, it’s ridiculous. Let’s break it down:

• First, there’s the brain wiring, the ear structure, and all the mechanisms it takes to physically hear the words. And let’s not forget about physical positioning and posture.

• Then, the brain has to process what those words mean.
• Next, the listener has to figure out what those words mean to the person speaking.
• Add on top of that, the emotional intelligence to connect those words to a personal experience.
• And finally—here’s the kicker—the listener has to put aside their own connection and understanding to provide space for the speaker’s experience.

MY VERY UNPOPLAR OPINION: If you’ve been talking to someone for 2 to 3 months, go to couples therapy IMMEDIATELY. Yeah, I said it. Cause the truth is, most of us don’t have the tools to be together without some serious guidance.

And for the ladies thinking, “It ain’t that serious…” Ma’am, let me break it down. By the 2nd or 3rd month of most adult relationships, some form of sexual activity has likely happened.

So you’re telling me it’s okay for someone to take up your physical space, but it’s too embarrassing to sit on somebody’s couch with them and figure out how to get the tools you need for a healthy relationship?

So you’re just going to be emotionally vulnerable with no guidance? Just out here, free-falling into the relationship without a clue on how to navigate it, only to end up on a therapist’s couch later saying, “I don’t want to be hurt anymore.”

@jaden.alexiis on Tiktok jay 🤍

Sis, I’mma touch your hand while I say this—get help for yourself and that relationship immediately. Yes, I said it. Therapy—get a whole boatload of it! You do individual therapy, your partner does individual therapy, and y’all go to couples therapy together.

No shame in it. It’s time we stop playing like we don’t need help. 

PLEASE. PLEASE. SHARE THIS WITH OTHER BLACK WOMEN. AND HAVE THEM SUBSCRIBE:  https://www.dockedships.com/stress-crisis-african-american-women-health

At Dock Ships, we see "a future where African American women achieve social health & enjoy maximum wellness. 

#CAPEOFFLIVEON

Sharell D. Cannady, CEO of Docked Ships