Ladies, gather 'round. As high-achieving, over-functioning Black women, we really be out here feeling like we’re stupid sometimes. Why do I say that, you ask?

Because we’re aware of that sneaky little gremlin that attacks our well-being ALL THE TIME. The problem? We don’t know its name, or even fully understand how it works. We just feel its presence, and we know it when we see it.

Girl... It’s called cognitive dissonance. In the simplest of terms, it’s the psychological discomfort we feel when our beliefs don’t match our behaviors. It's an inner conflict that can arise even when you hold two contradictory beliefs or when your actions don't align with your values. Basically, our thoughts, feelings, and actions are out of alignment, leaving us feeling off-balance, frustrated, or even confused. 

For instance, you might believe in self-care and even advocate for others to do it. Yet, you’ll find yourself burning the midnight oil for the umpteenth time, pushing yourself to the brink, without ever considering you as a priority. It’s that classic case of telling others to fill their cup, but constantly letting yours run dry.

Cue the mental tug-of-war. We start to feel like a frenemy to ourselves—like hypocrites, caught in that cycle of preaching one thing and doing another.

We be out here feeling ashamed like... we should somehow do better because we know better. We be feeling like we failing ourselves because we have the knowledge, the tools, and the understanding.

But the reality is, Black women are JUST human—and constantly pushing ourselves to execute what is "right" perfectly EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. only adds more weight to the already heavy load we’re carrying.

Girl... you betta sit down somewhere and stop all of that. It’s okay to give yourself grace, take a breath, and let go of that unrealistic pressure. You OKAY! But.. let's get you educated. 

S/N: Have y’all seen HillmanTok University? Y’all need to check it out! It got me thinking… what if I started doing the therapeutic process like that? Just imagine, turning therapeutic knowledge and understanding specifically for high-achieving, overfunctioning BLACK WOMEN into a vibe that’s both impactful and engaging.

What Causes Cognitive Dissonance:

So, what’s got us all in a twist? Well, cognitive dissonance can pop up from a few things:

• Decision-Making: When you have to choose between two things that are equally great… or equally awful. Yeah, no pressure.
• Social Pressure: You know when your people' is all about one thing, but deep down, you’re like, “That’s not me!” The struggle is real.
• Addictive Behaviors: You’re out here, eating that cookie or smoking that cigarette, even though you know it’s bad for you. But girl, we’ve all been there.

YO... do NOT let this stuff linger for too long. It’s DEFINITELY not good for you.

Effects of Cognitive Dissonance:

When cognitive dissonance shows up, IT AINT NO JOKE. It can lead to:

• Stress and Unhappiness: Internal drama that makes your brain go into overdrive. No thank you. HARD PASS.
• Guilt or Shame: If it’s about something you deem immoral, now we’ve got guilt piling on top of that stress. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
• Behavioral Changes:  At some point, you might’ve decided to switch things up—but then came the unintended, unexpected side effects of those changes. That’s a tough one to process, especially when those changes are supposed to be for your good, but they feel awful. It’s kinda like when you first start lifting weights—the muscle breakdown and rebuild ain’t nothing to play with... but you get confused because you don’t know if you should keep going. Basically, it’s about whether the benefits of your behavioral change outweigh the costs.

Resolving Cognitive Dissonance:

So how do we fix it? Cause, honestly, we really be out here thinking we can’t win for losing. Well, here’s the game plan:

Acknowledge It: The first step? Recognizing when your brain is in overdrive. Just say, “Hey, I see you, and I know you are trying to tell me something.”

Reflect: Why’s there a disconnect? Is it because of outside pressure or are you just trying to live up to some impossible standard? Take a minute to figure it out. Then pinpoint your non-negotiable values—the things you simply won't compromise on—and the areas where you're open to change. Be brave enough to STAND ON BUSINESS.

• • Change Actions: Maybe it’s time to stop doing the thing that’s making you feel out of sync. Realign yourself.
  • Change Beliefs: Or, adjust your beliefs to match what you're doing—maybe it’s not the best route, but hey, it’s an option.
  • Change Perception: Shift how you’re seeing the whole situation. Sometimes, reframing is the key to making peace with the chaos.

Seek Support: Got a trusted friend or a supportive professional in your corner? DON’T BE ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED. Talk it out! Sometimes, just saying it aloud can help you see the way forward. Be ready to look at things from ALL angles—whether "good" or "bad." And most importantly, trust your own intuition. Do what’s right for YOU, BUT make sure you do it with your eyes wide open and stand 10 toes down on your decision. 

No regrets... no matter the outcome. 

👀 S/N: Do y’all know how to make decisions? Hm, I’m definitely gonna do another blog on that later... just to make sure. 

#CAPEOFFLIVEON

Sharell D. Cannady, CEO of Docked Ships

PLEASE. PLEASE. SHARE THIS WITH OTHER BLACK WOMEN. AND HAVE THEM SUBSCRIBE:  https://www.dockedships.com/stress-crisis-african-american-women-health

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At Dock Ships, we see "a future where African American women achieve social health & enjoy maximum wellness."