Why Humor is My Coping Mechanism

At first, I thought my role in the relationship was to help Keno see reason—to help him understand why certain things need to happen at certain times, why telling him to take better care of himself is not an attack on his human rights, and why waiting until the last minute to do something is not an adrenaline sport.

But then I realized something: this man is not doing these things just to stress me out—this is literally how his brain functions.

And let me tell you something—if I don’t find the things we experience interesting, curious, and insightful—and laugh about them—I will cry.

I have cried.

Like, full-blown ugly cry. Snot and all.

And if I took every misunderstanding personally, if I let every moment of resistance or forgetfulness or hyperfixation frustrate me, I would never experience the joy of our relationship. So, I laugh.

I laugh because—when I put my own anxiety aside—I know he sees things that I don’t always see in the moment. He has a level of assurance that sometimes, my meticulous planning just can’t account for.

Like when we were younger and on the struggle bus, and he’d say, “The money will come from somewhere,” as if we were expecting a direct deposit from the Lord Himself.

And he’d be right. In the end, it would all work out.

 

 

Mind you, not before it took a wild, loop-to-loop journey around the world first—but it WOULD and INDEED did work out.

I laugh because, at one point, I used to think he was just being difficult. Now I know? It’s wiring.

 

ALL Relationships are WORK. 

And it doesn’t matter if you’re in an HNR relationship or any relationship—love alone ain’t gon’ cut it. Relationships require more than just feelings. And let’s be real, there ain’t enough talking that you, him, your momma, his grandma, your pastor, or even praying alone can do to fix things. Those things may help, no doubt. But that’s not where it stops… there’s definitely more.

I'm learning that relationships can be exhausting when we don’t get the education or tools to navigate them EARLY and OFTEN—not just when things are hanging on by a thread and all hope is two days from being lost lost.

 

 

Keno and I had to do—and are still doing—the work. And let me be clear, this ain’t to insinuate that others don’t.

Sometimes, divorce, separation, or co-parenting is the only option—and who am I to judge? I don’t have all the answers. But I do have some—gained from research, education, individual therapy, couples therapy, family therapy, self-awareness, and the way Keno and I have had to shift how we communicate.

We had to stop taking our differences as personal attacks and start recognizing them as part of our own realities. And truth be told? There are still amazing days, and then there are days where… well, let’s just say we might be wondering the same thing yall' are: “Is my partner really this stubborn? Do they just not care? Am I the problem?”

  

A New Relationship Resource for Learning, Laughter, and Community

 

 

 Y’all, I’m out here like early 2000s Kevin Hart—always dropping something new every week. But naw, I genuinely want to help people, and every day, I’m realizing more and more how I can do that.

So…

If your relationship feels like a full-time job with overtime and no benefits—I see you. And I want to help. I’m creating a private Facebook community and looking into Instagram groups specifically for ALL PEOPLE navigating HNR relationships, other high-intensity partnerships, or even singles who just want to learn.

 

 

This space isn’t about fluff. It’s for people who don’t just want to vent (I mean, you can if you need to)—they want to grow. It’s about laughing while getting educated about your struggles, learning new tools, and getting information that will help in navigating through tough moments.