Full Disclaimer: Today’s newsletter/blog is serving up more relatable moments than cackle moments—but trust, it's still real and necessary!

Hey Y’all, Hey!

So, let me ask you something: Why are we out here bending over backward to give others the love, grace, peace, patience, & kindness we never received? Also, why do we keep extending the “benefit of the doubt” to everyone else? Yet leave ourselves high and dry when it comes to our own needs?

Let me just be clear: There's nothing wrong with giving. But there is something wrong with doing it to your own detriment. DO NOT COMPLY WITH YOUR OWN DEMISE! 

The High Standard Hustle

Here’s the real deal, Sis. We’ve been running ourselves ragged trying to meet these impossible standards of how WE BELIEVE we’re "supposed" to show up for others. 

And I’m not talking about a little bit of effort here and there. I mean the full-on, Superwoman, cape-in-the-wind, saving-everybody-but-yourself hustle. I don't know about yall', but I am tired of overextending, overcommitting, and overdoing. We've convinced ourselves that this is JUST HOW IT IS. Girl, that's a recipe for disaster. 

Reference: Source

The interesting part is, we often start to lose it when we feel our efforts to LOVE HARD are dismissed or not reciprocated. We give and give, but when it’s not returned, we’re left wondering—who’s checking for us the way we check for them? And sometimes, the answer is NOBODY.

This is actual picture of me with my therapist Ashley. I be' making jokes to distract her from questioning me about doing the most. She be' giving me the business about it not having to be this way. Asking me questions about my unrealistic expectations of how I believe I "should" show up.  And also, warning me that continuing on my path will surely lead to burnout, health issues, and my ultimate displeasure in strained relationships. 

My friend Alex said something so profound on FB one day. She said that..

"Relationships are a two-way street, make sure you are making deposits AND withdrawals. Too many withdrawals will bankrupt the relationship and too many deposits will either make the other feel they are not needed or comfortable to TAKE and NOT deposit." -Alexandria Louise Jones Mason 

Grace for You, Too

So... I say that to say this (from what I continuously learn and preach). You know that grace you’re always extending to others? Because you know how it felt when it happened to you, or you imagine how you’d feel if it were you. Sis, you are projecting your feelings onto others! Check your relationship accounts and make sure they're balanced. Because, yeah, it’s time to redirect some of that grace back to yourself.

Let’s talk practical tips, because I know you’re ready to stop feeling guilty and start feeling free:

1. Set Your Own Standards
Listen, those high standards you’ve been bending over backward to meet? They were never yours to begin with. That’s your trauma talking, girl. It’s time to start setting your own standards. What do you want to give? How do you want to show up? And most importantly—what does showing up for you look like? HINT: The answer needs to fit within the boundaries of your time, energy, and effort.

2. Stop Apologizing for Your Boundaries
“I’m sorry, I can’t…” No, no, no. We’re not apologizing for protecting our energy anymore. The next time someone tries to guilt you into doing something that drains your spirit, simply say, “No, that doesn’t work for me.” No explanation. No long stories. Just a firm no. Trust me, the world will keep spinning.

3. Check Your Guilt at the Door
You’re going to feel guilty at first—it’s inevitable. But here’s the thing: guilt is not an indication that you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign that you’re unlearning years of unhealthy conditioning. That guilt you feel for prioritizing yourself? Let it go, Sis. It’s not yours to carry.

4. Give Yourself the Benefit of the Doubt
When was the last time you gave yourself some grace? We’re so quick to extend the benefit of the doubt to others—always assuming the best about their intentions. But what about you? What if you started assuming the best about yourself for a change? What if you believed that you’re doing the best you can, with what you’ve got, in the season you’re in?

5. Show Up for You (Because You Deserve It)
At the end of the day, showing up for everyone else won’t matter if you’re not showing up for yourself. You deserve the same level of care, attention, and respect that you give to others—without the guilt.

So, here’s your reminder: You’re not just worthy of setting boundaries, Sis. You’re required to, if you want to keep thriving.

At Dock Ships, we see "a future where African American women achieve social health & enjoy maximum wellness. 

#CAPEOFFLIVEON

Sharell D. Cannady, CEO of Docked Ships

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