S/N: Ain’t no pictures, memes, GIFs, TikToks, or YouTube links TUHDAY. You just about to get this plain, unfiltered, good old-fashioned lesson. School is in session, so grab a notebook, take notes, and screenshot something—because class is officially in session. 📝📚
Listen, life comes at you fast. And Black women? We stay juggling everything like it’s an Olympic sport. We out here working, managing relationships, showing up for our kids, and tryna break free from those ever-elusive generational curses—all while somehow keeping it CUTE.
Chile… it’s exhausting, unsustainable, and slowly dragging us down in ways we don’t always see coming.
One of the biggest hidden struggles? Decision fatigue. That mental and emotional marathon we run every day, making choices back-to-back without the capacity (or energy) to think them through properly.
Should I take that new job?
Cut off that friend who always ‘forgets’ their wallet?
Invest in myself or stay in my comfort zone?
Whew, the GHETTO. But don’t worry, I got you.
Before you spiral over yet another decision that could either bring you peace or pile on MORE stress, let’s walk through five intentional questions designed to cut through the noise, exit survival mode, and step into actual well-being.
1️⃣ What is the potential impact on my well-being?
As Black women, we stay goal-oriented—grinding, pushing, and making things happen. We CONSTANTLY sacrifice our own well-being just to check something off the list. Then, after we’ve worked ourselves to the bone, that’s when we finally stop and ask, “Am I even okay?”
Sis… you got that backward.
NEVER start by looking at the benefits of the goal. Start by looking at what you need—and no, the answer is NOT the temporary satisfaction of achieving the goal. That high fades fast because, trust me, there will always be another goal… and another… and another.
Let’s start here: THERE IS ONLY ONE YOU. You MUST be the priority, not an afterthought. Protect HER first.
We tryna thrive, not just survive—okay?! So ask yourself:
✅ Is this about to stress me out?
✅ Will it bring peace or unnecessary chaos?
✅ Will it bring short-term joy but long-term stress? (Cue: that late-night text to your ex—DON’T DO IT.)
✅ Am I about to add another responsibility to my already overflowing plate?
✅ Is my body already sending warning signals (fatigue, stress eating, migraines, sleepless nights)?
💡 Example: You’ve been asked to take on yet another leadership role at work. You’d love the opportunity, but your anxiety and migraines have been flaring up. Is this worth it?
2️⃣ Can I commit to this decision without self-sacrificing?
Listen, there’s a huge difference between wanting something and for real being ready for it. And that whole "fake it til, you make it" mindset? Yeah… that ain’t it. Because being strong all the time is NOT a flex—it’s a one-way ticket to burnout.
✅ Do I have the time, capacity, and resources to actually follow through without running myself into the ground?
✅ What am I sacrificing to say yes? If it’s sleep, rest, or my own needs, we need to rethink this.
✅ Can I realistically maintain this commitment without neglecting myself?
💡 Example: Your homegirl asks you to plan her birthday party. You love her, but between work, family, and trying to take care of yourself… do you really have time to give this 100%?
3️⃣ Does this align with my core values?
Because listen—if it don’t align, it don’t shine.
✅ What are my core values? No, seriously—do you even know what you stand for, or are you just out here vibes and vibes?
✅ What’s truly important to me? Peace? Integrity? Financial security? A weekly spa day? (No judgment.)
✅ If this decision makes me side-eye my own morals, it’s probably a no.
✅ If it goes against what I know I need to feel whole, why am I even entertaining it?
Some things just don’t need a debate. Like wearing white to a barbecue—just don’t do it.
4️⃣ Am I making this decision out of fear or expectation?
Oop, now we’re getting deep. Sis, are you choosing this because you want it, or because you feel like you have to?
✅ Is this a genuine desire, or am I afraid of disappointing someone?
✅ Am I saying yes to avoid judgment, or because I actually want to?
✅ Fear-based decisions keep us locked in cycles of overworking, overgiving, and never prioritizing ourselves.
Fear-based decisions feel like your mama saying, “Just wait till we get home.” A mess is coming.
Desire-based decisions feel like that moment when your food comes at a restaurant—instant joy.
💡 Encouragement to Seek Support: You don’t have to make every decision in isolation. Talk it out with someone you trust—ESPECIALLY when your instinct is to just push through alone.
5️⃣ Will this decision give me more of what I actually want?
Because we’re done making moves that don’t serve us. Some decisions might look good for one area of your life but wreck another. Pay attention.
✅ Does this choice move me closer to the life I actually want?
✅ What opportunities does this open up for me?
✅ Can I see a clear return on my time, energy, and effort?
✅ Is this decision draining me more than it’s fulfilling me? If so, it’s time to pivot.
🚨 Note About Boundaries & Guilt: Saying “no” to something that drains you is not a rejection of others—it’s an affirmation of yourself.
The Bottom Line?
Making empowered decisions starts with recognizing that you don’t have to prove your worth through exhaustion. The Superwoman Schema is real, but it doesn’t have to define your life.
So before you say yes, pause and ask yourself:
"Is this a choice that honors me, or just another way I’m overextending myself?"
This is how you know you’re making the right decision—not for your mama, not for your friends, not for society, but for YOU. And if you ever get stuck, just ask yourself this:
"Am I choosing peace, or just choosing productivity?" That’s it. That’s the tweet. LOL.
Now go forth and make decisions like a woman who prioritizes herself first. 🤍
#CAPEOFFLIVEON
Sharell D. Cannady, CEO of Docked Ships
PLEASE. PLEASE. SHARE THIS WITH OTHER BLACK WOMEN. AND HAVE THEM SUBSCRIBE: https://www.dockedships.com/stress-crisis-african-american-women-health
Wanna' revisit a blog/newsletter that had you like, “Wait a minute?”—No worries. Check em' out [click here].
At Dock Ships, we see "a future where African American women achieve social health & enjoy maximum wellness."
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